Steps of Grief

So I was reading this article that was discussing the steps of grief, and how you can experience them in any order.
The article listed them as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

I can see how we go through each of these when we are grieving, but more to my point... Aren't these the steps of life? I feel a little of this every day. Denial that I need to exercise more often, anger when that one person rushed me, bargaining with myself over what I can and cannot do, depression that I didn't finish everything on my to do list quickly enough... acceptance that I'm doing the best I can.

So I'm just not sure why we aren't better equipped to handle grief. Why is it all so shocking still?

Weather:Whether

Weather or not... Whether or not...
Is that why we say that?
Because today's weather certainly could get me down. All grey and cloudy. It really is a good thing that my life is not dependent on the weather. Yet... at the same time it has such an impact doesn't it...
Today is a quiet thinking day perhaps. Yes. Mellow. Curl up and read a book. Maybe break out the hot chocolate. Build forts and nests of pillows. Yes. It's one of those days. Today is an ellipse...

Chocolate...

Here at my desk in my snack drawer... I now have a bag of chocolate covered almonds, Milano (Double Chocolate) Pepperidge Farm cookies, Double Dark Chocolate Nantucket cookies (also PF), pitted prunes, dried sweetened pineapple, a box of microwave popcorn, a single serving of oatmeal, Ritz crackers, candy corn pumpkins and some conversation hearts. . . . Oh and a Cadbury egg.

If we have a disaster... head for my "snack" drawer.

Create

I don't do many crafty things at the moment. A lot of that has to do with space. I don't really have the room to pull out the mountains of scrapbooking things I want to do... or the art supplies for sketching and maybe one day painting... not to mention a table I can sit at and sew with sunlight streaming in... I just don't really have the space. But recently Peter and I undertook a project that a friend of ours did first. Leah made this. And we blatantly copied her brilliant idea. With one addition. We laminated it.

As you can see, one side has a lighter outline so they can copy it and the other is blank so they can draw what they want. We're hoping one adorable little girl will really love this activity for her big 4th birthday coming up very soon. We're excited to give it to her to see... 

Indecision

All of me is indecisive.
Do I ? Do I not.
Also: I have no idea where I'll be in the next year, let alone 5 or 10. So don't even bother asking.

Moving

No. I'm not moving.
I'm still here.
But the thing is, it was pointed out to me recently....
that as adults making "decent" money, Peter and I have the option of looking into buying  a house.
This is weird.
Also... I don't think we can really afford a house in the area that we want to live in.
So there's that.
but the fact that it's an option... is just strange.

Motivation

I haven't exactly been motivated about blogging lately.
It's journaling with an unknown audience.
And so much of my life is already known.
Do more people really need to be thinking about me?
Do I need to be thinking more about me?
Instead of increasing my online presence, should I be eliminating it?
What would I do without all these gadgets i love so much?
What could I accomplish?

Today I paid off one of my very high interest loans.... and tomorrow I'm going to pay a huge chunk of another one.
I'm making my way towards being out of debt and independent financially. Should I be doing the same with technology?

3/17

Happy St. Paddy's Day.
I'm just now realizing that it is in fact over halfway through March.
It's a "holiday" for us here in the US...not one that I've ever been very vigilant in observing.
I'm thinking... maybe some bubble and squeak for dinner tonight.. . Or maybe I'll go to the English bakery. I know it's not Irish, but we don't HAVE an Irish bakery.
Also, meat pies sound delicious. Because pastry and meat ARE delicious.
Though I would avoid the kidney if I were you.

Slow Day

It seems as though time is stretching and snapping. Things are happening so quickly that time is either slowing WAY down... or it has stopped.
And just when I think I've acclimated ... it snaps forward again.
Why oh why do you do this to me?
I'm pretty sure DST is having a negative effect on my sleeping patterns.

When the Week begins anew

Have you all seen the footage?
Have you heard the sirens?
Did you see the walls of water carry away floating buildings and vehicles?
Did you see the fireballs and explosions?
Are you watching?
Have you seen?
Before and After


Are you crying and hurting in your heart over how easily the world we know can be swept away?
How many thousands are yet to be found....
Tell the people you love that you love them.
Remember the people you've lost.

Photo from NY Times

Toshiyuki Tsunenari/Asahi Shimbun, via Associated Press

Be grateful for the life you are privileged to live.
Pray for those who are suffering.

All in a morning...

I don't know if you've heard, but there was an earthquake this morning. Huge. 8.9 magnitude. It is disrupting thousands of millions of lives. Absolute destruction.
And we humans think we're so powerful.
Then this little ole planet reminds us that there is much we cannot ever dream of controlling.
I grieve for all the lives lost in the face of this immense power. I hope for those who have literal chances of rebuilding in the aftermath.
Mostly though I am continually shocked at the ease of my day. Schadenfreude. I am so happy to not be them. I am so happy to go home to my wonderful husband. I am happy that my life will continue.

I am so sad that this will be easily forgotten.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/12/world/asia/12japan.html?ref=world
Watch the videos...and be grateful.

I am disinclined...

to blog. For whatever reason recently, I have been extremely tired. My back is popping like crazy... and I keep getting these little tension headaches.
I'm not really sure why, but I'm so focused on how I'm feeling that I keep being apathetic about blogging. So if you don't hear from me occasionally. . . That's why.

Draggin'

Falling asleep again is never a good idea. I mean the kind of falling asleep that you do in the mornings after your body wakes up on its own. The second wake up is agony. Always. I am tired today, because at 5 in the morning I forget this simple truth. It will bite you in the butt.
I still feel like I'm not really awake. I'm still just a little groggy.
Ice water helps. A little.
Mostly I think the only thing that is going to work is going home and crawling into bed.... and sleeping it off.
That sounds like heaven right now.

Twoooossssday

I was just thinking, "wouldn't it be nifty if it were two?" Nope. It's way better that it's 4:15. That means it's almost time for me to be heading out into the real world. The last few days have been a bit crazy. A very surprising winter snowstorm that all those skiers I know are just loving really turned my day upside down last night. But yesterday? Yesterday morning was all over the place. We had no power. No power = no blogging!

It was a good day, though the weather really is putting a damper on all that spring I'm feeling.
What are your plans to make today?

Heading into the Weekend

I've very few plans this weekend. I'm starting to realize that I love it that way. I love having free time to relax and sleep in. I like tidying up around my little home. I like eating random meals. I like doing little crafty projects that organize and decorate. But I don't want to schedule and plan only to feel at the end of the weekend like I accomplished so little.
So I do random things when I feel like it and realize that it's beautiful outside regardless of the weather.
At the end of the weekend I hopefully don't feel drained.
Here's to spontaneous fun and success. Enjoy your weekend. I plan on enjoying mine!
Also, even if you're not an American Idol fan... I'm a fan of this. 

Playing Around

I love games. My hubband loves games. Though we certainly do prefer different games over others... There are a few that we really love to play together. I love collecting new games. I prefer word and strategy games. Monopoly has long been a favorite of mine.
Peter has a well known love of videogames and a less indulged love of Axis and Allies.
We play games on the Wii/Xbox together and we play board games together.
I'm a competition junkie. I love dominating a game. These two traits do not always go well when playing with family. Winning or losing can be a nasty scenario. I can be self-congratulatory and overbearing which is really unpleasant... I can also be whiny and self-pitying that things didn't go my way.
Of course these scenarios are decidedly on the less grown up side of things and happen FAR less often now that I'm an adult. Heh. Heh... Maybe I just hide it better.
Which is why I find that playing games such as Monopoly, Scrabble, Battleship, and other strategy games are more fun when I'm playing a computer. I don't have to worry about the other person's feelings! I don't have to deal with an obstinate sibling who just won't trade! I deal with an AI algorithm that has rules to follow and no feelings to hurt.
But to be honest I miss the best part of any game. Playing with people. Conversation. Real strategy and planning. Taking the time to setup intricate boards and move around tiny little pieces.
I love that.
It's a good thing that I have both.

To blog or not to blog

There's a lot of opinions out there in the world...a lot of shoulds and shouldn'ts.
People always know whats "best" and what is "wrong."
I know people who HATE blogging and social networking. I also happen to be married to a man who has made it his life. Video games and social networking are literally his job.
I know some people who swear by epidurals and hospital births. I also know some that are 100% granola home-birthing hippies. I love them both.
There are so many extenuating circumstances in this world. There are so many options. And that is what makes great.
Why is it so easy to judge and sling "shoulds" around?