Itunes and me

Because I couldn't find what I wanted to hear on my Itunes, I am currently listening to the player on Em's blog. Which if you so desire may listen to here. http://sinslc.blogspot.com/ I mainly go to listen to Neil Diamond serenade me with Sweet Caroline. (Which I love for an entirely different reason than you may think. And if you're in the mood for an overly emotional story, you may ask me about it.)

Anyway I'm in the process of rebuilding my music library after my laptop died on me. Two years ago. Right.

I've decided I just don't have enough oldies, folk music, and musicals in my life.

What are your suggestions? What artists, albums, and melodies tickle your eardrums?

Today I'm Better

This post is, like all my posts, about me. (Which is Em backwards :)

So yesterday as I was getting ready to leave work, a few of my friends posted a link to a blog that looked interesting. "Single Dad Laughing" wrote a post about the self image issues that the media, the people around us, and we as women, give ourselves everyday. Women do not measure up to the standards that the public or the media hold them to. Women do not measure up, because the standard that is flying is a false flag. It is a false ideal. I've known many men and boys in my short life who were kind and generous in many ways. They were not overt in stopping and looking. But they did stop. They looked. I've never blamed any man for doing so, because I too have stopped and looked and wondered.

Magazines and media present women who are desperately unhappy from not eating normally, from living under a microscope, from having to pummel their bodies into submission and from not having stable, loving, families. Consciously I understand that the majority of their lives and bodies in reality are not healthy or ideal. As humans we all strive for love and affection. We see the adulation heaped upon celebrities for their diets, their bodies and their "fabulous" lifestyles. What we cannot see is the lack of faith, trust, love, reliable advice and comfort that so many of them lack. We can see the consequences of the lack of these things and wonder, what went wrong? I'm not talking about the exceptions. I'm talking about the Lindsey Lohans, the Robert Downey Jrs., the Coreys, the Tatum O'Neals, the Jodi Sweetins, the Olsen sisters, and so many others just like them. Some of them have gotten older and salvaged their lives. Others never got there.
So many of these people I watched grow up with me. They had so much more than I did, and SO much less.

I have had a wonderful home life. We never had more. We always had enough. We had love, friends, and family. There was always room for one more person at our dinner table. I was safe.
My mother taught me that I was smart and capable. She taught me to survive in a world that homogenizes anything that stands out and dares to be different. Because I am special. (My mom tells me so.)

I am extremely lucky in having a husband that does not stop and look at magazines or movies. He stops and looks at me. He loves me more than I understand. I am so grateful that to him I am beautiful. Because I am slowly learning that I am more than enough. I am more than beautiful. Having him in my life makes me realized, complete, and perfect. I still struggle with not being the best wife ever. I struggle with knowing that I'm not nice enough. I'm too sarcastic. I nag him. Everyone needs a spouse like mine.

Because of people like him, my mom and dad, and Em I know that I am more than enough.

Grown Ups

Grown Up.

These words seem more alien to me the older I get. Am I done growing? The past tense certainly does imply that I’m supposed to be finished. Done. Complete.

Em has recently been struggling with some decisions that come with being "grown up". And the things that she's having issues with aren't things I feel like I can do now.
I can't move back in with my parents. I can't just drop everything and go back to school. I have bills to pay.

But the thing I struggle with is this:

I still feel like I’m 15 some days. I feel like I’m pretending to be a responsible, bill paying, house cleaning, meal cooking “grown up”.

When does it become real?

I’ve been working 8-5 or some version there of for a while now, paying my own bills, making my own mistakes, and cleaning up my own messes for a while now. It’s the usual. The everyday routine is reassuring and still SO strange. When did this happen to me?

I don't think I'm ever going to be grown up. So there!

Friends and Fingers

Yesterday I had a few friends over for dinner. However, due to the fact that our kitchen is terminally, eternally messy... I decided that we were serving finger foods. I couldn't in good conscience have P wash all the dishes and then promptly turn the kitchen back into a disaster area. Thus the finger foods. No utensils. Paper plates, and plastic cups. So easy. Right!
And the delectable mess free menu... ? That would be mini egg rolls, Spinach and Feta ebelskivers, chips and salsa, rice balls (surprisingly easy!) and open face cucumber sandwiches!
I'm never sure if people will actually bring food, so I over plan and over feed. Em thinks it's a good trait. :)
I was relieved yesterday, that people actually brought snacks to share too! All in all I think it was a successful little get together.
I do love feeding people. I like making comfort food. Mashed potatoes are a huge one. Meatloaf. Chicken and Dumplings. Fried Chicken. Sauteed zucchini and yellow squash on rice. RICE!!! Soups. Warm foods. I'm so happy we're getting to the season of sharing food. It may be THE BEST time of the year. So much sharing! LOVE! Food is Love.
What foods comfort you? What do you love?

Hidden Talents

I am a Broadway musical aficionado. I know more about some actors than is probably healthy. I know composers, show tunes out the wazoo, playwrights, locations, and occasionally some dates of when all these things happened. I am not 100% correct on all of them. Which is why I am a fan and not a historian. It's been a few years (more than I'd like to admit) since I've been an active theatre person and I have forgotten a lot of information along the way.

The other day I was flipping channels and got stuck on a crime procedural show because of a familiar face. I couldn't place his name and it was driving me nuts. Finally, two episodes later I looked it up on IMDB. The person: Mandy Patinkin. I was SO ashamed of my theatre loving self. I couldn't believe that I had forgotten his name. I used to obsess over his voice. And then my next question was, what is he doing on a show where he never sings? Of course, the answer is that he's making a living. This is his office job. I can think of a few other performers who also have "day jobs" in television where they never sing. Not a note. For example, Private Practice has both Audra McDonald and Taye Diggs. Both of them are non-musical physicians. Norbert Leo Butz recently did a stint on a short lived series called The Deep End as a lothario lawyer.
Eric Millegan was Zack Addy on Bones for many years and only sang once. For a beautiful minute.
And then there is GLEE. Glee is a flawed show that I enjoy so much. It's a showcase for show people, musical show people, to do what they do best. They sing. And occasionally they have episodes where I hate the content but the musical numbers are where the heart is. True love. And it's been an excellent showcase for so many traditional theatre people. Matthew Morrison, Lea Michele, Kristin Chenowith, Idina Menzel, and many others. I'm looking forward to Glee's producers getting a clue and remembering that even if you have a stellar cast, amazing song list, and huge budget, you still need a sturdy, interesting plot line. Not just themes.

But to come back to the original point, how many people do you know that work 9-5 at a job where their true talents never come into play? People live out their dreams somewhere other than work in America and that seems like a tragedy to me. I understand it though, as a secretary I enjoy my job and my coworkers, but I don't revel in the work.

Who do you know that really shines at something they do for a hobby?

Making up.

So a few months ago Em asked me a question. “How do you NOT nag P?”

Now, my sweet hubband and I have only been married for a little over 6 months, and this is an issue that I struggle with all the time. (Note: This is not something that he struggles with, he merely endures it.) I, as a middle child with 7 siblings, am used to nagging. To nag is to make sure whatever it is gets done. Otherwise you would have to do whatever it is yourself. And unfortunately I am not capable of doing the things that P needs to do. (Unlike the things I bother my siblings about…)

Some of these things include papers that need to be written (in a MAJOR way), classes that need to be prepared, clothes that need folded, research that needs to be finished, and waking up so he isn’t late for work.. I’m not saying that my husband is irresponsible or unreliable. I’m not. I’m saying that P has a nasty, awful habit of procrastinating until the last possible moment.

So, how do I deal with this? I nag sometimes.

Some of the time I try to be a respectful adult and remember that he’s an adult and knows that there are some pretty hefty consequences if he doesn’t complete the task.

And the rest of the time (especially when it’s a task for me) I give him a deadline when I ask him to do the task in the first place. (This one works the best. Sometimes.)

And some of the time I remind him that I’m not cuddling with him until he’s done.

(This is a failsafe.)

Mostly though, I just try to stay busy myself. That way P doesn’t have anyone to get distracted by in our tiny apartment.

But to be honest. I do nag P.

The amazing thing is just how long he can take it before he's irritated. Really, truly, amazing.

Hubband? I love you. Sorry about the nagging yesterday. I’ll make it up to you with treats today. Okay?

Looking Beyond Today

Yesterday was.

I have a hard time sometimes.

There was some a-MAAAAZ-ing TV. Bones.

Em was.

And delectable homemade egg rolls, cream cheese wontons, egg drop soup, and rice.

Clean underwear. (VERY important. Didn’t your mother tell you?)

Some good soul scrubbing crying happened. (Hubband would disagree with me.)

Now I need a hobby, a goal to achieve, drive, ambition… for something.

To challenge myself and grow

Tomorrow we’ll BE!

Today too.

Worth Living For

I've had a rough time with dresses in my lifetime. As a very curvy woman, dresses just don't fit me the way they should. I've found that I need lots of room and plenty of structure. Things that don't always go together in a dress. And so I wear cute tops and skirts. I haven't found a dress that I truly love ... ever.
Em brought me a dress the other day, that I love the styling of. It has a really pretty print, and a beautiful FULL skirt. I adore full skirts. I probably should have been a mom in the 50's. Unfortunately there's a zipper problem. It doesn't go all the way up. Malfunction of the zipper. NOT me :)

And then in perusing the many blogs that I do, over at http://memyselfandmommy.com/ 's feature of the day reviewing Shabby Apple really caught my eye. So I headed over to their site. And this list of dresses  made my heart jump! I can actually see myself wearing these. Comfortably!!! Next paycheck I am SO treating myself to a new dress.

In other news, in order to fit into that dress I should probably limit how often I make this divine creation Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes. I'm fairly sure I gained 10 pounds overnight eating those straight out of the pot last night. yum. 

What helps your world go round?

Blogwell

I've recently discovered that people will only look at things if they're interesting!!! Which means that I need to decide if I'm blogging for my own benefit or for my reader's benefit. Which, looking at my statistics, and being a new blogger, are very few readers. What a cycle! Really it's just a bit ridiculous. I think about the websites that I visit regularly, and honestly ... I prefer them to have something new to look at every few minutes!  As a blogger, I would have to spend all day every day online in order to keep it updated with that kind of regularity. Which I understand that some people do in fact do just that. I don't think I could. Besides, with all that blogging, when exactly would you have time to actually do anything with your life? I mean, you do need something to blog about right? So, I am going to try blogging every few days (at least once a week) about something interesting that Em and I or possibly hubband and I have done. Which means I need to do interesting things! Any suggestions? Anyone? Buehler.... Buehler?

Moving forward with Joy

Things change so quickly. Time is the ultimate ninja. Sneaking in and spiriting away all the things you thought you had nailed down. Darn that ninja and his silent hammer!

It’s at times like these that I’m grateful for routine and tradition. These are the things and habits that keep me grounded. Things like going to work every morning at the same time, coming home by 5:30, making dinner or going out to eat with my wonderful hubband, playing with friends, and even those pesky chores. All of these keep me sane and moving forward in a life that sometimes feels like it has come to a standstill. And I am grateful. So thankful for the life I am blessed to be living.

“The healthiest response to life is joy.” ~Deepak Chopra