Monday Monday....

Tonight is gonna be a good good night.
I've just got that feeling. You know.
The past weekend was... successful. Friends, Food and lots of fun times.
I really enjoyed just letting things go. Relaxing.
I've got to finish up some projects soon and I see some deadlines looming.
Spring, I hope you're on your way.
Back to work I go!

Sunshine and lollipops

I'm planning on having a marvelous weekend. Regardless of what else happens, I am determined that come Monday I will be relaxed and ready for a new week. Reinvigorated and rested. I'm not actually sure what we have scheduled, but whatever happens I'm determined to have a good attitude.
I may have to watch a few pick me up movies and listen to peppy music, but if I have to I will! Oh, and I'm looking forward to having a few friends over too....

I could fall over dead

I am so tired. I fell asleep last night in plenty of time... I thought. This morning I woke up a bit late. And as a result I feel like the walking dead. Ice water and chocolate seem to be helping slightly. Whatever complicated projects I was planning on working on today are being postponed. Simple things only today. Nothing that requires a lot of thought. Hopefully this day will move a little faster after lunch, so that at least I feel like I'm accomplishing something.
Isn't that the best thing about an 8-5 job? Even if you're not super productive AT work... at least you went to work. You accomplished something today. Go you!

101

No I'm not teaching you beginner anything. It's my one hundred and first post.
There. I commemorated it.

Yesterday was one of the best day's I've had in a while.
Leisurely morning of Monopoly followed by all you can eat sushi, the asian food store, Cost-co, and then lots of games. More Monopoly and some Scrabble to top it all off.  I love 3 day weekends. Especially when they actually feel like weekends.

One Piece

I'm home and whole. It was fun... and really warm!! I don't think I've sweated that much in months. Anyway... I only fell down once and it wasn't my fault. Really!! My legs were killing me. I'm not cut out to use normal ski boots. My calves are too big. :) So I only did a few runs. But here's the thing. I didn't make a fool of myself.  So I consider it a success. We're going to start going more often I think. At least once more this season. Maybe twice. We'll see what our schedule allows. I'd like to get better at it and not hold everyone back on the bunny hill with me. Which, by the way, may have been my favorite part. I loved watching all the little ones learning to ski. They are adorable. And when they fall over... :) Is that mean?
Love
Peter's Ski Bunny...

Ficlets

For a little while AOL had a site called... ficlets. Short works of fiction. And I used it occasionally. I found them today in my email... and I thought I'd share them. It's been a few years. Some of these came from prompts and some were spun around photos. You don't have to read them. They're just here. Some I think are contrived and some I genuinely love. Just so you know. please be kind.

Rumor:

I knew I shouldn’t have done it.  But that hadn’t ever stopped me before.  Before I could stop myself, the words just flew out of me.  “She did IT!”
the gasp wasn’t audible…but the vacuum caused by what I had said permeated every corner.
Faster than it had begun, the network of whispers and flying fingers communicated my gaffe and her triumph to the rest of our graduating class. 
Laughing, she smacked me and tauntingly said, “Did what?”

Perfected Purgatory: I suppose they were beautiful.  But the truth is, they were too perfect.  The onslaught of pristine streets, homes, decorations… everything had been so subtle.  We’ll replace that with something better… we’ll replace that with something better…  And now the details that made unique people, people… they were disappearing.  And soon nothing would be the same.  Or rather, everything would be the same.  Perfect, Pristine, Paradise. 

Boulder Hill: The truth… they say it hurts. I find the vacant moments when you can’t help but let the silence crowd your soul …the truth creeps in.
and here’s the truth of my current situation.
I don’t know where I’m going or what I’m doing. I don’t know who to talk to, or where to turn. My comfort zone has shrunk to a bulls eye, and all my darts are dull.
How long has it been since someone really listened. Really, it’s been too long. And making that moment change. Starting the boulder down the hill. all those things are scary, because you don’t know where the the boulder will go.
so I stand. and push. and push.
and at the last moment on the brink of disaster, I realize that where I’m at is no different from what I can see at the bottom of the hill. and so I leave the boulder at the top of the hill and roll…
I should have seen the briars.

Star-crossed Lovers: The rain pounded down around me as my umbrella threatened to rip itself away from my tightly clenched fist. Suddenly a gust of wind tugged the sheltering nylon up and away. Throwing my head back, I looked up at the dark sky to try and pinpoint where it had gone. In a flash through the raindrops I saw that dot of light that was her in my mind.
“Evie,” I’d said. “Every time you look at that star, I’m thinking about you.”
It was true as always. And as the rain soaked through the collar of my flimsy windbreaker memories of her flooded my mind. Memories of her dancing with her head thrown back and her arms welcoming the heaven sent blessings.
Then the rain reminded just where we were. I was here. And she had been ripped away from me as surely as the umbrella I’d just held moments ago.
Beautiful, brilliant, and just as untouchable as that summer.
But the star was there, and it would always be her.


Finished First: Laying in bed drowsily she smiled as her roommates excitedly chattered about what would happen. They eagerly flipped through the pages to find specific events, and stopped abruptly at their bookmarks.
Silence pervaded the atmosphere. As the sliding of pages slipped through the room, the steady whomp, whomp, whomp of the fan seemed to get louder.
From across the room a stifled squeal of excitement shattered the silence.
She smiled serenely, because she knew. She knew what happened, and that made for a very satisfying feeling.


Blushing Bride: She was his. Every single glowing inch of her. from the crown of her shimmering golden hair to the tips of her carefree bare toes.
Emily never thought she was beautiful. She was stupid that way.
But today, today no one- not one person within a mile of her could deny it.
Today Emily was beautiful.
The simple white dress spread out on the steps around her. It seemed to only accentuate the happiness that the rest of us could only bask in.


Blotted Musings: “she wondered just how long it would be until someone noticed she was gone.”
Just as he deftly punctuated the last sentence, the ink blotted.
That was the 6th manuscript ruined. Stupid blots. Stupid.
He had just gotten back into Carin’s head. The character had finally come back alive, and he had to blot it. Why could things never work out the way they did in stories? His mistakes were never the romantic hero type. He just had problems with penmanship and shipping. No duels, no secret trysts with lovely young maidens. Merely insignificant details in a dusty mote ridden workspace. He couldn’t even write well or fast enough to merit a window.
Forlornly sharpening a new pen nib, Ian went back to elaborately describing the suicidal plottings of his willowy ethereal Carin.


Nothing to Search For: I quietly slid behind the desk. Smoothing out my skirt I positioned my hand over the keyboard and quickly pressed the necessary keys. With a satisfying click I tapped the enter button and the screen hummed to life.
Looking at my reflection in the screen I asked myself why I was here. Quickly I recalled the past 5 months as if it had been a romance novel about some other woman.
What is so difficult about telling the truth? Why can’t people just be honest with each other? I had told him everything. What right did he have to keep anything from me? I had to know. It had been too long, and it was my right to know. Wasn’t it?
Silently I pulled up an search engine, my fingers got ahead of themselves. Absentmindedly hitting the enter key before anything had been entered, the machine whirred to life. Efficiently the computer reminded me, “Nothing to search for.” Maybe…maybe it was right. the hunk of metal, plastic, and random wiring was right. After years of blindness and months of deceit, there was nothing left.


Keeping the pieces: “NO!!! no, no, no…”
This couldn’t be happening to me! He was screaming at the men. He had no control. The first man turned to him, offering his hand. I struck out. He recoiled. Again he offered. Palm out. Something in the gesture stopped my rage. I looked into his face and the tears I saw unwept in his eyes convinced me. This man was not to blame.
Slowly I accepted the hand of “the enemy.” I turned and saw his companion gathering my brother into his arms. I wanted to scream, to leave him alone. He was all I had left and it was my job to protect him. Mine! It’s why we’re brothers. But this was different. I was used to fighting, grabbing for each piece of… of anything.
Now, the only remnants of home that I had were carried along by the strong, but tired legs of the American in front of me. And I wasn’t sure how much longer Isaac would last. On the streets, he had been dying. I had been counting the days.
Now… maybe this way… maybe we could keep the pieces together.


Dead Beginnings: A breeze drifted by aimlessly, startling me out of my reverie. I realized in the silence, that I’d been dreaming again. The child never existed! I furiously berated myself for dreaming. I didn’t have time for mistakes in my line of work, but I found myself dwelling on the one mistake, I couldn’t fix. I couldn’t forget.
Two years ago, almost exactly. I had tried to stop the pregnancy to avert the disaster before anyone could be harmed. The sad truth was, I had succeeded.
The only one I couldn’t stop from hurting was me. Everyday I’d been haunted by the image, no the vision of who those luminescent, ethereal brown eyes could have been. Who they were already.
And I hated myself. That was it. Everyday I hit the wall. The Dead Ends.


Perhaps Not: She’d thought the empty house could bring new beginnings, yet the resounding silence reminded her of just how long it had been since someone,
anyone
had called.
As the steady dripping of her drying tears faded into silence, she wondered just how long it would be until someone noticed she was gone.


Starting Over in Silence: It was funny, looking back. At the moment, Tia leaving had been just the next thing that happened. It wasn’t a huge inciting incident. It wasn’t a drastic tragedy. It just was. It was the next thing.Real silence.She hadn’t expected it to be so loud.
The final wave goodbye. The engine’s rumble faded away.Turning she surveyed the random debris from six energetic girls, women really, leaving the small house they’d come to love together. This step was supposed to be the one that mattered. Choosing a career. Finding a spouse. Continuing your education.
In general, the people who had come and gone on frantic friday evenings, slow mondays, wednesdays…each person had given her something. And here she was. Holding the things they’d given her. Clutching the air desperately, her empty fists struck out at imagined demons and fleeting shadows.


Announced: Susan enjoyed this little jaunt down the lane every morning. The crisp fresh air, the light sunshine, and the excitement of receiving mail, even if it was only bill notices, always felt like a good way to start off her day.
And today, she had something to mail.
Pulling open the mailbox, she noticed an extra thick envelope. The formal creamy color and texture of the envelope intrigued her. Splicing open the end of the letter, two small photos slipped onto the gravel walkway.
Swiftly she retrieved the pictures and slid open the elegantly embossed card. It read:
We are dismayed to announce the divorce of Johnathan and Sara Richardson. After five sequential years of marriage, their divorce will be finalized at 255 Lily Dr at the law firm of Smith, Call and Lands. Any correspondence should be sent to the enclosed addresses of the specified parties. Johnathan and Sara would like to thank you for your support and love during this difficult time.
Slowly her stack of sealed letters scattered with the wind.


Announcements: “Enough? How can you say that love isn’t enough? That’s all we had, and now we have so much more than that. Look what we’ve been able to build. Together. “
“Jonathan- I… you know as well as I do, we’ve been done for a long time. “
“I just can’t- It can’t be done! After all of this, we just abandon everything and walk away? “
“One foot in front of the other. The same way we got into this.”
“Maybe that’s how you got into this. Me? I jumped.”
“My only hesitation, is… how do we tell everyone?”
“I don’t know Sara. Maybe we can tell them the same way we got into it. Announcements.”


Waiting to hear: Time had passed. and unlike so many cliches and fortune cookie sayings, it had not passed quickly.
The memory of him gazing at me through the dusty flecked windshield was permanently inscribed on that day.
The snow outside belied the fact that it could ever be swelteringly hot here. So hot, the sweat seems to roll in rivers down my back.
Now six months later ,the little moisture to be found in the air seemed to glaze over the numerous goosebumps on my arms.
I slipped into my coat, and reached into my gloves looking for some lost warmth.
I slowly trudged down the driveway. It stretched endlessly down to the old rusty faithful mailbox.
In what seemed to take hours I finally turned to fumble at the handle. The thick fingers of my gloves made grasping anything a very elusive task. So I risked the inevitable, slipped one hand out of it’s sanctuary, and flipped the mailbox open.
The musty smell, and taunting clang of the emptiness were all too familiar for someone who just needed relief from fear.


Slant Eyed Focus: I closed my eyes and struggled to remember what the paper had said.
The sweat dripped slowly, oh so slowly down my eyelid and slipped through the vanguard of eyelashes to rest, stinging my eye.
Needs to focus That’s what it had said!
was that why dad left us? Mom said he loved me, but maybe I just hadn’t focused enough.
How do you focus on something?
How do you focus on something?
How do you focus on something?
dictionary dictionary dictionary. I need to know.
FOCUS : Main emphasis concentrated effort or attention on a particular thing, area of concern, sharpness of image, focal point disease origin point on cone, adjust lens adjust vision…
but none of those things make sense. I can focus just fine. tommy was the one who couldn’t see right. He lived on the next block…Why did I need focus?
But Mom said to always listen to the teacher, so I picked up the paper, screwed my eyes up to a squint, and tried again.
Nothing changed.


Distances: These words aren’t personal. They’re descriptive.
Each character is inscribed by cold hard lines.
I can’t get close enough to feel the empathy I eloquently phrase.
Couched in rhythmic sweet tones of pure irony I write what I cannot feel.
From the tip of my pen to the paper seems immeasurable to the throbbing of my heart.


Picture Perfect Memory: Side by side. Moment by moment. The memories were drawn together and woven through the holes in my memory were rosebeds waiting to bloom. Rust colored skies, bright blue bikes, yellow sparrows, green grass, all fenced in by a black thread of honesty. The thorns crept through the vanguard of truth to catch at my shirtsleeves and shred my pride with what I’m hiding.
The colours ran with each tear I shed.
Which was odd, because I didn’t think colored pencil color could bleed.
The tip of my finger swept up some sapphire tears and I tasted freedom, clean freedom.
The red sky I’d sketched smelled bitter.
I saw the green, green grass and visions of success came with waves of dollar bills.
I heard the yellow birds chirping, and I thought it was joy.
I felt the black edged picture shake with fear.
I found a new crisp white sheet of paper and I felt hope.

Sitting on a shelf, Waiting: No! It’s not fair. Why is it that Alex gets to leave? What makes it so that I’m the one standing here watching. . . watching him walk away. He should have to know how it feels. He said change would be good. He said that- it doesn’t matter what he said. It matters what I say. It matters what I do. I hate being left. I hate being right. He drove away just the way I knew he would. A sincere, trite, wornout apology. I’ll put it back on the shelf, he’ll find it when he comes back. As he always does.

Word Vomit 2: Then vomit was everywhere. All over him.
Apparently words were the only thing I couldn’t get out.
Word Vomit: It all started upside down. Well perhaps it was up.
And that was the problem.
I could feel everything inside me trying to right itself.
I resisted. I would just let it all out.
Then the world turned.
“He rescued me! How dare he rescue me!” I could feel myself protesting feebly as my lips were fervently sucking away at the rim of the cup trying to wash away the scent of vomit from the back of my mouth.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked.
I turned to give a grade A tongue lashing to what I assumed would be an overeager, but thoroughly charming young man.
Unfortunately I was all too correct on the thoroughly charming part.
” I…” “I…”
For the second time in as many minutes I was speechless.


Plop: PLOP !
Perspiration dripped, sliding, slowly, achingly down the salt trail left from the tears I had cried hours before. Alone with no one to see, it must not exist.
Lying face down on the dock, the little drop sent waves shimmering out into the lake.
Out there, a sylph catalogued my woes that were numbered by my tears and evidenced in concentric circles.
Patience , I think “time will ease my-” No. I want this pain to remind me. And the ripples ebb against the dock that I cannot leave.

Plop

Skiing tomorrow

I think we're really going to this time. And hopefully we'll have some gorgeous weather to go along with today's clear blue skies. If I do mortally injure myself, I do hope it will be on a beautiful day.

Also... this means I won't be around tomorrow. I know. You're all terribly sad I'm sure.

So I hope you have a wonderful Wednesday and Thursday.
Due to the skiing I won't be watching Bones right away. But I'll be sure and discuss by early next week.

Drive

I'm lacking just a bit in motivation today. I have a few things on my To-Do list. Nothing huge. Nothing really pressing. But still. They need to be done. And I'm getting paid to do them. I'm just not actually getting anything done.
Today is just a one of those days I guess.

The Weekend Recap

But FIRST! I'm having a Sprite and some chocolate for breakfast. Just the way to start off a morning. With a breakfast that is fizzy and sweet. And it will help me feel bloated and gassy later. Just the way a Valentine's day should be.Ah.
Now. On to business. On Saturday Peter and I did indeed get to do those two things I wanted to do. We hit The Copper Onion in downtown Salt Lake for a rather ritzy brunch and then on to the Broadway Theater to see the King's Speech. Brunch was really good. I'm always drawn to steak and eggs and Peter had the pasta carbonara... I really liked both. I also recommend their fries if you like thick cut steak fries covered in parmesan cheese. Yup. So so tasty! Also... We topped that off with a slice of berry compote cheesecake and flourless chocolate torte. Ooooh. I need to go get more of that.
Okay. So we strolled the hundred feet over to the box office to pick up tickets, and voila! the guy in the ticket booth gave us free tickets! Which totally justified buying popcorn and soda (We were almost 45 minutes early... so there was time to let our food settle) to support the theater. It needs it! And I need popcorn! I really really don't. But it's SO good. Oh and as a point of interest, we knew the guy who gave us the tickets. I didn't know he was going to be working though so it was a nice surprise. And he was super nice to give us the tix, as he's my old roommate's ex.
And that my friends... was my valentine's date. We spent 50% of the time playing battleship on my iPod. :)
I also recommend The King's Speech. If you're looking for a movie about dedication... this is it.
I hope you treat yourself to a wonderful valentines day regardless of who you're with.

Let's sit a minute

If you're not a Bones fan... you can skip the next paragraph.
I'm going to assume you're sitting at your desk or on your couch/bed... or the floor or whatever. Mostly because my blog is NOT important enough for you to risk reading and moving around at the same time on whatever portable device of your choice that you've splurged one. Did that sentence make sense at all? No? Okay. So last night on Bones, I totally called what was going to happen. It was the only way to get Hannah out of the picture without severely damaging Booth. And Booth and Brennan. This way they get to be made whole and stronger and blah blah blah. I hated Hannah's line about them not being done yet. They're done. She just refused him. Shot him down. Cold hearted. Selfish. There is NO future there now. The future belongs to people that stick around and keep going when it's hard. Commitment. That's what it means. And FYI: FOX... people really shouldn't be throwing rings away. That's a serious investment that a pragmatic and Booth can't afford to lose. Though the romantic Booth probably appreciated the gesture... It's kinda juvenile. Honestly I think it would have made more sense to give the ring to Sweets... Daisy doesn't need to know. Also, if you're thinking about cost it means you're sensible. It's probably a better indicator of responsibility. A pretty valuable trait in these economic times. All in all, I like where you're going. Not so much on how you're getting there. But that's just in the details.
SO... for the people who don't care about Bones: Last night I made this with a Devil's Food Cake mix... really really delicious. It probably should have had a bit more butter. Ridiculous. I know. Also, we didn't put in as much powdered sugar as we were supposed to. My bad. Also I made my casserole again. This time I took a picture. But it turned out really poorly. The photo I mean.The dish was dreamy. Again.
This weekend I'm hoping to see "The King's Speech" and maybe hit up a restaurant I've been trying to get to for some time. We'll see how it goes.
Happy Friday everyone. I hope it's a good one.
You can get up now if you want. You've done the important thing you needed to read on the interwebs today. :) Thanks for stopping by.

Thursday Day

You had better not be as slow as you were yesterday. Honestly!
Wednesday was having a rough go of it, until I got home and he eased up with a few episodes of Glee and one of Castle.
So today Thursday, I'm going to warn you that I expect a smooth, easy day. I just need to get through work quickly so I can go home to make this delicious recipe again and watch Bones with Em. That's all I need.
I hear there's some proposing happening this week. It should be good. Who's ready to watch Hannah turn Booth down? I am!!!

Delicious Creamy Zucchini

Last night Peter and I were trying to decide what to make for dinner.... and because we had Squash and Zucchini that needed used, we decided to make a casserole. It was cheesy and gooey and creamy and probably had more dairy in it than vegetable. Probably not, but it was close. Oh, and it also has bacon. It turned out beautifully. It briefly crossed my mind to take a picture and venture into the food blog realm... but I was too hungry. So we just ate it. And I'm making it again tomorrow. Em is a very lucky girl. Bones night is on again!! Life is good. Oh SO good.

Snow day from Skiing

So I was supposed to go skiing today, and the weather gave me a reprieve. Due to the roads being closed last night... We couldn't make it up the mountain! Yay!  I mean BOO. Right. I now have one more week to enjoy being whole and ambulatory. 

I'm probably blowing this way out of proportion. But what if I'm not?

I'm still excited/terrified.

In other news we had Charlie Chow's Mongolian Beef for dinner. Is that really news? I guess in the blogosphere it constitutes as something like unto news. Maybe.It was tender and delicious. Very oniony. Oh and it was the non-spicy type, so I'm having the leftovers for lunch!!! I'm excited. No terror involved.

The afternoon...

Today after work, I'm going up to Kamas. And then. . . tomorrow... I'm going ... SKIING. This could be terrifying folks. You may never hear from me again. Then again I could be the next idiot savant skier... but probably not. I'm really just crossing my fingers and hoping to not fall over a lot. That's pretty much as far as I get when I'm thinking about this. Please, please, please let me... let me...not come home with a bruise. Or 20. I'd much prefer that. Also I hope that my in-laws don't think I'm really bad at this, as this is what they do for a living. Basically I'd prefer not to look like an idiot.
Unless it's the savant kind. I could live with that.

Little lilting lyrics

The following are some favorite songs that make me smile, move, and remember.
No particular order.
The first link is a video if I could find one and the second a link to buy if you're interested.

The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaelson The Way I Am
You Make My Dreams - Hall & Oates (500 Days of Summer)You Make My Dreams (Remastered)
The Luckiest - Ben Folds The Luckiest
In the Sun - She & Him Volume One Volume Two
Both Sides Now - Joni Mitchell Both Sides Now

Dental Care - Owl City Dental Care
Clark Gable - Postal Service Clark Gable (Album)
You Ain't Woman Enough - Loretta Lynn You Ain't Woman Enough To Take My Man
And I Will Follow - Sara Ramirez by Jason Robert Brown And I Will Follow

sundirtwater - The Waifs sundirtwater
Wouldn't it be Nice - The Beach Boys Wouldn't It Be Nice (1999 Digital Remaster)
Gravedigger - Dave Matthews Gravedigger
Sweet Caroline - Glee Version (Though I prefer the Neil Diamond version!) Sweet Caroline
Coffee Shop Nights - "Curtains" Curtains (2007 Original Broadway Cast)
I Can Do Better than That - Anika Noni Rose "The Last 5 Years" (2002 Off-Broadway Cast)

What makes you move?

Blog love

Epbot : Joy! Makes me smile every time.
PW : My future me. Without the country. Or cattle. Or the famousness.
XKCD: the comic that makes me feel dumb sometimes. I still smile and laugh once I've figured it out.
Pinterest: Amazing visuals. Brightens the possiblities of what can be in this world by showing me what already IS.
Kickstarter: Helping us make awesome things possible everyday. Crowdfunding: change the world.
Hey Nonny: Some pretty normal people writing about normal stuff. Reality.
Calling People Names: Warning: Not always clean. Notice! Usually funny.
The Bloggess: ALWAYS funny. Usually not normal.
Publish Peace Place: Promote good in the world.
Pacing the Panic Room: Great writing, even better photography.Also fantastic record Do Fun Stuff. Go check it out and do something nice for you and your kids. BUY it. Even better cuz it's great to help out.
Rachel Swan Design: Love her!! This particular post is about homebirth, something she's passionate about.
Hubband: Nerdy, Academic, Videogame blog. Yeah. That's mine. All mine. And now I can call him Peter. Cuz it's out there now.
Of course last but never least
EM!!!

Have fun reading folks!

Clear and Cold

No snow today... Just really, really cold. Most of the morning it's been around 10 degrees... Now that it's past noon, we've climbed up to around 44 degrees. Just balmy. Right.
On the upside, it is incredibly sunny out, and lovely. Beautiful clear blue sky.
And today, I get to go buy some snow gear, so we can go skiing for the first time in almost a decade. I'm a little terrified. Just a little though. I'm mostly confident. Besides any adventure that requires a little necessary expenditure, I'm all for!
I'll let you know how this all pans out.

ACK!

I just realized that I didn't post yet today. I guess that's what happens when I'm actually busy at work. Today, I'm proud to say, I got a LOT done. And tomorrow is February the 2nd. Which means there's an end in sight to this ridiculous thing we call winter. Not that it will end anytime soon here in UT. But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. (The other day, just to be rebellious, I wore non snow appropriate shoes. *Gasp!) I hate that it's such a long tunnel. Anyway, I'm hoping this goodness is a sign. February: Sit up. Take Notice. You have a lot to live up to. Be awesome. Stay... wait. No. Don't stay cool. Get warm and usher in spring!