Thursday, May 26, 2011

Breaking the silence

So Peter and I have had some discussions on The BIG when... are we going to discuss our children here on the blog.
Not that we have any currently.

But I'm curious to find out what you all think about the topic. Is it okay that our generation's kids are going to grow up being defined by what their parents have written about them since they were barely conceived? Or is it perfectly within the domain of parental rights (extension of bragging) to blog/post/update on our children?
When does it stop being talking about your pregnant body and start being about your fetus?

Does this even matter?

But to really bury the lead here, I wasn't sure when or where or how I wanted to discuss the fact that last fall I experienced a "complete abortion" according to the ER documents. I miscarried. I was pregnant and then I wasn't. It was the worst time of my life to date. I'm sure it won't be the last, but it was the first. No one told me to expect it. No one told me it was common. 30% of KNOWN pregnancies end this way. It's not something people want to talk about. No one wants to temper the happy moments by saying, don't get your hopes too high that you might actually get a baby. It sucks. I've mostly healed emotionally. I've healed physically. It's one of the many bumps in the road. It taught me a lot about me and my body and my marriage. And I just want to say that I'm here and I've been there. If you have any questions or comments, I don't mind talking about it. And I think it should be talked about. Because it's heart wrenching to feel alone with that sort of pain.

There are millions of women and men who share this grief. We are out here. And we love you.


  1. I talk about my kids on my blog. But I have a lot of family that I rarely get to see and this is one form of letting them get to know the kids. Some people don't want to release all that personal information, and I totally understand. It's really just a personal choice. To each his own...

    Moving on, I have experienced 3 (that I've known about) miscarriages. And yes, the pain is always there. Once I had to have a forced miscarriage and that was by far the worst one. The one comfort I can take in all of this is that the Lord's timing really is perfect. I didn't understand it then, but I do now. And it really does help to talk about it. I didn't speak up on one and it hurt so much worse. People need those helping hands to lift you up. I'm always willing to be that shoulder to cry on.

  2. My family doesn't read my blog really, so it is not for them. I only talk about my kids here and there, and never really in detail. And until they become adults I use pseudonyms.

  3. I talk about my little boy on my blog and it is private; so only people who know me well can read it. I feel fine posting pictures and updates about my son for family and friends. I get nervous letting just anyone access my family blog.

    I am so sorry you had to go through a miscarriage Brianne! I am having a really hard time dealing with having difficulties having more children. I have had 3 interuterine polyps removed in February and my weight makes it hard for me to conceive as well. It's a really hard thing to adress and talk about. I've cried trying to wonder if I can have more children. I hope I can. I hope you have healed from your horrible loss. Chelsea

  4. Thanks for your words and advice everyone...I really appreciate it.

  5. Since my blog has mostly been about the difficulty to conceive and now that we have I can't help but talk about our little girl. I of course use a nickname b/c I'm not quite sure how keen I am on telling the whole world her name. I only do that on places such as Facebook- where it's set to private and I trust who I have as friends.

    On a separate note, I'm sorry about your miscarriage. I have found a huge support system online through blogging for just such issues. Good luck when you do decide to try!