Wednesday, January 5, 2011


*Note: this is my response to a comment on a blog...

emd- {But how do you combat (or ignore or accept) a church culture that tells your boys they can’t cry or wear dresses and they must always be the provider and they should be with women who are dumber than they are and that leadership = men?}

To this I say, your answer is in your question. It’s the culture stereotypes that teach that. Not the church.
I learned in church that my father cries abundantly over things that are important to him.
I learned in school that boys don’t wear dresses. I always envied that.
I learned from my mom that providing doesn’t have a lot to do with your paycheck. Which is why I don’t mind bringing home a larger paycheck than my husband. He doesn’t mind either. The bills are paid either way.
I am just as smart and capable as my husband. I was taught as a child to search for someone as smart as I was. To find someone who enjoys my intelligence. I did.
The leadership that I’ve looked up to were my Young Women’s teachers and the other women around me in Relief Society. All strong women fit to lead, asked to lead and relied on heavily for guidance.
The church is made up of people, and therefore imperfect. church=structure people=content and culture
My brother was delighted with his doll that he (mistakenly) got when he was 7. The following Christmas my other brothers requested and got dolls for themselves too. He was heartbroken when the other boys made fun of Sarah (his doll). My mom explained that not all little boys want to be fathers when they’re little. It’s something they grow into.
Most women would disagree with giving my brother a doll. My mom saw it as an opportunity to teach compassion and responsibility for a family.
Being unconventional can be a good thing. A very good thing.


  1. I like your answer to that comment. I too knew that I wanted someone that could be an equal match to me, in strength of personality, interests, etc. That matters.

    I gave my son a doll when I was expecting his little brother. That mattered too.

  2. Great post! I think all little boys should have dolls. Graham loves to cuddle Sela's baby dolls. I think it's sweet.